Bananarana

2006-10-10T04:07:00.000-07:00

"The best thing, though, about the museum, was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would still just be finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on their way south, the deer would still be drinking out of that water hole...
... The only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be much older or anything. It wouldn't be that exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or you'd heard your mother and father having a terrific fight. Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them."
-JD Salinger, Catcher In The Rye

Gasoline Rainbows :) :)

2006-10-10T03:59:00.000-07:00

The demons we try to supress within us are manifested in our lives in other ways. Then we wonder where they've come from.

The books we read, the music we listen to, the people we seek out to spend time with are all definitions of our own selves. We try to compensate for our yearnings with external things.

It's true apparently, that the things we despise most in others are the very things that we negate in ourselves. When we try to disown something about us, we are uncomfortable, and cringe when they are presented to us externally.

Another excuse to talk about myself..

2006-09-29T02:50:00.000-07:00

Tagged by the Sac....

Easiest way to unclog the blog....

8 Things about myself. Hmmmmmm...
Here goes:

1. When I was about 5, my mum got me a beautiful German Shepard Pup. The people we got her from owned atleast 5 pedigree dogs and loved them all dearly. This puppy came with a manual of do's and don'ts to ensure that she was looked after in the best possible manner. All that was easy, since my mum loved dogs. All was well, till we were told that she had already been given a name, and that we couldn't change it no matter what. Apparently she had already gotten used to it... So there I was with this beautiful dog, called Shakuntala. It took me a long while to live it down in school.

2. As you all know, I have recently become an aunt. I am madly in love with this silly little baby, who is starting to look like Homer Simpson, and poops so much that my brother is in a state of shock. I have very very strong maternal instincts. I can't wait to have my own babies. But everytime I hold a baby, I am gripped by a very strong and horrible HORRIBLE fear that being such a clutz, I'll drop it. And I'm guessing being a mother, one is expected to do a lot of baby-carrying....

(momentary digression for baby update... its been a little over a month..)

I want to bite her!! I do!!!

ok, ok..

3. I have a deep rooted aversion to allopathy and anything related to it. Pharmaceutical companies pretty much top my hate list. Working in a Cancer hospital and watching my own family battle this disease opened my eyes to much more than I could handle when I was faced with it. I believe very strongly in the mind-body connection. I believe that all of us have an innate capacity to facilitate and direct our own healing processes, be it physical or otherwise, but are conditioned to look outside of ourselves. I don't negate that medical science has its upside, but I feel that people need to start listening to themselves and what their bodies are telling them more closely, rather than blindly taking someone else's word as the gospel truth.

4. Everytime I go up to a really high place, like the top of a building, or to a lighthouse or something, I have to stay away from the edge, not because I'm afraid of heights, but because I'm overtaken by this urge to jump. Not to my death, don't be silly! I love life... it's just an urge.

5. I find ironing clothes extremely therapeutic (doesn't mean I'll be ironing any of your stuff Tart!!). I love smoothening out creases. I am also anal retentive about carpet corners and shoes being turned over. Even if I'm at a party, I can't sit still unless I go and fix it.

6. I attended a severely Jesuit school for 10 years. They made me take scripture classes, attend mass and go to the chapel every morning to ask God to make me a better person and apologize for all the bad things I had done (which at that point involved using "bad language" like "stupid" and "ass" and so on...). By the time I was 12, I knew every story in the Bible and was ready to convert to Christianity, because I was convinced I wouldn't go to heaven if I didn't. My grandma, who lived with me was almost a fundamentalist when it came to Hinduism. I was so confused I finally went to Mum and asked her what on earth I was supposed to believe. And she told me, "Never let someone else tell you what to believe in. Not even me." When I asked her about god and what he was, she said "Well, let's just say, he's more than some old man looking down on you. A person who believes in a higher power, has to explain the existence of sadness and pain, but one who doesn't, has to explain the existence of EVERYTHING else. Do the math."
Its taken me many years to understand what she meant, but I think I have an inkling now... best piece of advice I have ever been given. Thanks Mum.

7. Second best piece of advice I have received, also from same source, has been, "If you want to know how a man is going to treat you, you just have to see how he treats his mother." Straight out of some disgruntled women's guide to relationships, you say??? It's worked every single bloody time!!!!

8. I was recently told by a random palmist I met on the road "Meydum, if you were born 5 seconds before or after your original time of birth, you would be a gent." (!!!!!) Scary part is he was spot on about 8 out of 10 things before he said that.

Oh well!!

Ok, I must tag 6 People apparently - Naaz, Brother S, Mint, Depps, Sista T, Dancing Coyote... There you go!!!

Later skaters!

Enter the Auntie

2006-08-24T02:47:00.000-07:00

Everybody, please put your hands together for the first baby in the world to make me cry.....

(Actually, this first picture had me rolling on the floor laughing. It cracks me up everytime I look at it, but you know what I mean...)

Words fail me....

Lots to tell.. Many many stories... But all that in a while. I'm still getting over the fact that my nutter brother is responsible for this.

Mists of Everness..

2006-07-10T06:52:00.000-07:00

I can't remember the last time I slept well. It's been weeks, months even.

I’ve had extremely vivid, recurring dreams since I was little. A couple of these dreams followed me into adolescence. In a weird, inexplicably twisted way, one or two have even come to pass. And I never had them again. They just left a few skidmarks behind.

It’s hard for me to articulate this feeling when I’m wide awake, but in delirious flashes, it all makes perfect sense. The lucidity oscillates between being incredibly beautiful, to downright frightening.

Off late, there have been some pretty scary moments when I haven’t been able to recall whether a memory I had was from a dream or something that actually happened. There are all sorts of lines blurring in my head, and all kinds of scenes melting into each other, into one swirling mass. Try as I might, I can’t get out.

I want to sleep through one night, undisturbed, uninterrupted, with no lingering traces of memories that don’t really belong to me, when I wake up.

!!!!

2006-06-23T04:58:00.000-07:00

Woke up in a truly foul mood this morning. A very common occurrence off late. And quite upsetting. I’ve always been proud of the fact that one of the few things I CAN do on a daily basis is wake up happy. Well, it’s been a harsh fact for me to face… I’m a grouch.

Tart has a policy to never read the paper first thing in the morning. I’ve seen its effect on Z, especially on days that she doesn’t watch the news on TV while eating breakfast, but I always assumed my equilibrium was immune to the effects of war and genocide and rampant stupidity. That wasn’t the case today.

Came across an article on a new vaccine, Gardasil, being developed for the prevention of Cervical Cancer, entitled “Is it a vaccine or a virginity test?” (!!!).

For those unfamiliar with Cervical Cancer, it has been found to be linked with the Human Papillomavirus (HPV), which has 18 different types of strains, and in order to ascertain the presence of this virus, one has to undergo a pap smear.If detected early, Cervical cancer can be arrested and a full recovery is made possible. Every year 150,000 new cases of Cervical cancer emerge. It can be an excruciating and often, slow death. This new vaccine is supposedly administered to women between the ages of 9 and 26.

Another point to be noted is that Gardasil does not work for a pre-existing infection, which is usually transmitted sexually.

I’m not going into the nitty gritties of this article, cos I’ve just about managed to curb my disgust and irritation, but here are some choice excerpts from the article, just to give you an idea. I leave you to make your own judgements.

“How ethical is it to conduct such a test on an unmarried woman or a nine year old? Isn’t it akin to a virginity test?” – ‘Dr.’ Pillai, Rajiv Gandhi Centre for Biotechnology

“The situation might stigmatize women and, well, mark the beginning of the end of vaccines.”

Gardasil doesn’t manage to protect against ALL the 18 strains, just a few. So according to a doctor at KIDWAI Institute of Oncology (I’ll tell you my thoughts on that place later…) “Why should we waste money and efforts when we know it won’t work an all the strains?”

Have any better ideas doc?

And my favourite:
“It’s better we have an indigenous vaccine. We’re confident of developing this shortly. If we hurry through the US-vaccine without answering the questions on science and ethics we are likely to complicate the issue further.”

Yup.. I’m sure all the women who are writhing in pain in cancer hospitals across India, paying for their drugs through their teeth, mortgaging their homes and watching their families suffer with them can’t wait.

Maybe I read this all wrong, or maybe I’m still blinded by residual rage from my days at KIDWAI, or maybe I’m just being unreasonable… but does ANYONE else here feel like certain ‘values’ and priorities are getting just a tad mixed up?

Get to know me better! Heh

2006-05-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

Hahahahahaha... Just came across this mad site. This is like therapy...

Apparantly, my Sesame Street Personality is........The Cookie Monster!!

You Are Cookie Monster

Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.
You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.
You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking
How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!"

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

Drug Personality - Acid..

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.One moment you're in your own little happy universe...And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Your Monster Profile

Hungry Goblin. You Feast On: Coffee. You Lurk Around In: The Empire State Building. You Especially Like to Torment: Hipsters

What's" Your Monster Name?

Irish Name...

Your Irish Name Is...

Aoife Doyle

What's" your Irish Name?

What Kind of Meat am I??

You Are Duck

Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird - literally.You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy.

What Kind of Meat Are You?

Super Hero Profile....

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Green Viking
Your Superpower is Near-death Experience
Your Weakness is Atomic Explosions
Your Weapon is Your Silver Revolver
Your Mode of Transportation is Broom

What's your Superhero Name?

Muppet Baby Personality...

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.
You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.
But you sure can beat a good drum.
"Kill! Kill!"

The Muppet Personality Test

Especially love the Irish name.. I think I'll keep it.

Show Me The Way To The Next Whiskey Bar!!

2006-05-24T04:58:00.000-07:00

So, it’s official. I’m fine, it seems…

I can’t begin to explain how strange it is for me to not pop pills anymore. I mean, it’s definitely a relief, but its weird cos my usual nightly ritual has been:
1) Brush teeth
2) Wash face
3) Make bed
4) Locate pills that have invariably been misplaced (visit 24 hour pharmacy to pick them up, much to my irritation)
5) Inwardly grumble and curse pharmaceutical companies that use tedious-to-tear foil, while unwrapping each pill painfully
6) Swallow each of the 5 pills one at a time, each one the size of Madhya Pradesh, cos I’m scared I’ll choke
7) Climb into bed
8) Get out of bed 20 minutes later just as I’m falling asleep cos I need to pee because of all the water I’ve had to drink in order to swallow the pills

Steps 4 to 8 have been effectively done away with.. Woo hoo!

It’s a big difference, trust me.

It’s gonna take a while for my body to adjust itself to the sudden deprivation of 2850 mgs of chemicals a day. I can almost sense all the neurotransmitters gearing themselves every night, for the onslaught that hasn’t happened these past few days. But you know what? Even with all the tremors and strange withdrawal symptoms, I’m just so much happier.

Thank you to everyone who:
a) Reminded me to take my meds everyday
b) Held my hand during blood tests and accompanied me for x-rays and scans
c) Held out their hands when I FINALLY managed to cough up a sputum sample but had nowhere to spit (yes, this actually happened! I counted 3 pairs of hands.)
d) Drove me to pharmacies in the middle of the night
e) Wrestled bottles of alcohol away from me when I succumbed to temptation
f) Pretended to be sober just so I wouldn’t feel alone
g) Gave me (drunken) lectures on how alcohol is really truly not as fun as it may seem
h) Broke my cigarettes into little pieces when I tried smoking slyly in the first few months of being sick
i) Put up with my extreme mood swings and bouts of self-pity
j) Convinced me that I’m not turning into a horribly cranky person and that it’s just the pills talking
k) Cheered like their favourite team just won the world cup each time the reports that came back were good.

And Ms. Tartrazina - thank you for the best fugging martini I have ever had!!

Anyway, from now on and henceforth, there will be no more talk of health-related issues on this blog.

This chapter is now closed!

Hmph!!

2006-05-16T04:23:00.000-07:00

Ran home the other day screaming "I'M HEALTHY, I'M HEALTHY!! YAAAAAY!!"

Woke up with a rocking flu.

Have a head full of snot.

Sound like a broken bagpipe.

And my doc has broken his leg, so he hasn't come in to work and therefore has not seen my Xray, and consequently cannot comment.

Bah!

Operation Restoration Part Deux

2006-05-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

It’s been a while since my last update.. Its been a very eventful few weeks, and every time I think I’ll sit down and write something, I get overwhelmed, cos I don’t know where to start, what to write about, and how to keep from rambling once I begin…

Anyway, here’s the general lowdown:

Rat and I had planned a girly trip with the other ladies in the house to the hills two weekends ago. The plan was to hop on a bus on Saturday afternoon, change buses midway and then make it to the hills before nightfall. After being unceremoniously jilted by everyone else, we decided we’d go anyway. By the time I got ready, it was too late to catch a bus, and our plans looked like they wouldn’t materialize after all. As luck would have it, the Totes divinely intervened and rescued us. They were on their way to a town halfway to the hills for a friends’ engagement and said they’d take us that far, and we could carry on from there the next day. We met them in a highway close to midnight, determined to leave first thing in the morning. I think Rat & I were completely geared to spend the night on the bedroom floor of said friends’ house, but when we got there, this is what the place looked like…

It was a Spa, called Wind Flower, with Balinese cottages, decks overlooking a gorgeous waterbody, four poster beds, outdoor showers, a giant chessboard, with almost waist high chess pieces and all kinds of interesting details. Must visit, if you’re ever in this part of the world and in need of some serious pampering.

Anyone who knows the Totes is familiar with their legendary powers of persuasion & coercion. But they didn’t have to try too hard to get us to stay. We sincerely tried to resist temptation (“We HAVE to be in the hills by tomorrow afternoon and pay the painters and get work done!!”) for all of 7 minutes, after which we gave in..
What followed were two days of absolute indulgence. Got myself a full on Ayurvedic Abhangya massage (where two women massage you vigorously, in tandem), frolicked madly in the pool and ate like it was going out of style.

Not to mention that we shamelessly gate crashed the engagement. Rat was carrying some decent clothes, since she was heading back to Chennai after our trip. With only tracks and old scruffy t-shirts in my knapsack, I had to borrow a skirt from Mrs. Tote and ended up looking like I had wandered off a rave and accidently stumbled upon the engagement. Oh well…..
We ended up staying there for two nights, and finally wrenched ourselves away on Monday afternoon.

On arriving in the hills, I was a little apprehensive about what state I’d find the house in, having been the victim of some serious scams by electricians and plumbers in the past. But as I walked into my house, I nearly fell over… It was amazing. The walls were just the right colour, the work impeccable. It took all I had to not hug the painter. For the first time in many many years, my house had a happy vibe about it… Quite a far cry from the time Rat accompanied me there 5 years ago, soon after Mum passed away. At that time, we had arrived in peak-monsoon weather, and the house that had received us was cold, gloomy and depressing. So much so that after we had woken up from a nap, I had a full blown panic attack, which I passed on to Rat, till many frantic calls from family and friends finally calmed us down. We left as soon as we could. Rat hugged me all the way to Bangalore, as I bawled my eyes out on the bus.
More than anything, this trip felt like I had come full circle in a way, and I’m glad Rat was there. Thanks babe

In other news, my doctor had been avoiding my calls/faxes/emails ever since I crossed the 9-month treatment mark, which is the height of cruelty and torture as far as I’m concerned. Finally tracked him down, only to be told that I had to do another round of tests and x-rays. So this morning, I stopped by the lab on my way to work to get it done. Managed a peek at the x-ray before they took it away. I feel I have studied enough of my own x-rays to decipher the meaning of every hazy patch. And months of bad news have taught me to expect nothing when preparing to look at reports and x-rays. But this morning, it felt a little different. Something told me it was gonna be good.. and from what I gathered, it was…. Waited all day to get the radiologists’ report…

And the verdict is …..(drumroll please…)

'ALL CLEAR!!!’

YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!

So can I drink now?

Have to wait for doctor to give the go ahead to stop taking those horrid pills, and I guess I should give my body a few weeks at least to recover from all the side-effects. Don’t want to pop it now, after putting myself through all that for 9 months…

So all’s well that ends well huh?

Happy birthday Mamma. You probably had a hand in all of this.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Elysium

2006-04-21T06:25:00.000-07:00

In a few days from now it will be the one year anniversary of my father’s death. As strange as it may sound, I don’t think it has hit me yet. I’ve been so busy with the hustle and bustle of life – getting a job and a subsequent raise + promotion, working on relationships with people who still surround me, chasing dreams and generally griping about everyday things, that I don’t feel like I’ve had time enough to process his loss completely. We weren’t particularly close, but I can’t help but feel that his passing has changed me at some subconscious level, in a way that even I’m not quite aware of yet. A small part of me dreads the day I realize just how profound an effect it actually has had on me.

I sometimes wonder if having lost more people in a span of 5 years than most people I know, hasn’t made me a tad immune to the immensity of loss. I don’t even know if ‘immune’ is the right word. This coupled with my experience of working first in a cancer hospital and then a hospice (a place I loved more than I can explain to anybody) seems to have, at some level, dulled my sensibilities when it comes to dealing with death as a phenomenon.

I’ve been asked by people who care about me, whether working at this hospice was actually good for me.. I don’t know how to answer that. I can understand how many people would find being around people on the brink of death disturbing, to say the least. But to put it simply, and in all honesty, it has been the most life-affirming experience I have ever had. It’s nothing short of amazing, how people transform once they know that death is at hand. It’s almost as though with the realization that they’re aren’t as invincible as they thought, people begin to shed all the unnecessary layers they had collected and shrouded themselves in, in a bid to protect themselves from each other. I guess in a way they understand that there is really nothing to protect or nothing that needs this kind of protection.
I don’t mean to go off on a philosophical tangent, but I guess it’s something I need to get my mind around as well.

I happened to speak with the Managing Trustee of this hospice. Since I got my master’s degree, all I’ve really truly wanted to do is to go back there and work in the field of palliative care. Unfortunately, with the kind of system we have in place, it’s close to impossible to do that kind of work, in the capacity of a therapist, and earn enough to support yourself. At the age of 25, it’s kinda hard to follow your dream, when pursuing that dream means having your family support you. To cut a long story short, I figured I’d take on a corporate job (which I did!), save enough money to fund myself through a specialized programme in palliative care and get back to it in time.

However....

I was told the field hasn’t evolved enough in India to allow me to do what I’d like to as a full-time career. That I’d have to wait a few years before a system is in place that will recognize the role of therapists in this arena. And - this is the zinger – that maybe I’m too ‘young’ and I should probably pursue a more lucrative career and think about working in a hospice when I’m settled and have time on my hands for this kind of work. In other words, when I have nothing better to do.

So, I’m a bit confused. It’s not an ‘evolved’ field??? Don’t people die all the time? What constitutes evolution when it comes to death? And why is death something to tip toe around? In my experience, having been on the side that has lost someone, as well as on the side that reaches out to dying people and the families that survive them, I have yet to come across even one person who doesn’t appreciate some basic human compassion, whether it comes in the form of conventional therapy or even in something as tiny as having your hand held at a time of grief. What the hell is this ‘we haven’t evolved to that level’ business??

As a society, we’re so consumed in the day to day nitty gritties of living and achieving stuff that we overlook how fragile it all really is. We deny death, we don’t talk about it, we don’t like to be around people who do. But at the end of the day, it’s the presence of death that actually defines life and makes it so much more amazing.

I miss my father. I feel bad that we didn’t get any sort of ‘closure’ (for lack of another word), and I miss all the people I loved who have gone before him. But at the end of it all, their passing just serves as a reminder of what still remains and how much potential there is in what’s left.

‘Quiet the mind
Be still
And watch the breath of God
Rise and fall
In all things.
Allow his breath
To be your breath;
Allow his nature
To be your nature.

…Intend to be Love
And know death for what it is:
The Inbreath of God.’

- from the adaptation of the Tao Te Ching, by Haven Trevino.

2006-03-07T04:08:00.000-08:00

I've been on medication since august last year. I went back and forth between doctors and various diagnoses for over 6 months and had enough X-rays to effectively mutate my DNA and grow another arm. What pissed me off the most, I think, was being told: "you must produce sputum". The doc I went to at the time had a lisp and for the life of her couldn't say sputum. She'd say "spoootumm". And everytime she'd say it, I couldn't get past it. I'd stare at her going Spoootumm... spoooo-tumm.... spoooooo-tumm, till I was almost in a trance. And the worst part is that I can't hack it up on demand. I really really can't.
Anyway, before I get hung up on that word again... after a whole lot of blood was drawn, and a whole lot of speculations made, the doctors decided to go the whole hog and take a look at my insides. And what they saw wasn't pretty apparently... In addition to being scarred for life by the procedures, I was given a list of chemicals as long as my arm, to be taken everyday, without fail for a minimum period of 9 months.. (no, there's no good news!!). Research on the internet (a wonderful thing, as I keep discovering) revealed that some of the side effects listed under these drugs were:

"confusion" (as if I need more of that!)
"might cause visual impairment"(whaaat??)
"hallucinations, if taken in excess" (hmmmm... interesting)

And I can contend with all that. What really and truly yanked the carpet from beneath my feet was being told, as an afterthought mind you (as if it didn't make a difference to my life in any case), that for the duration of this period, I cannot, under any circumstances whatsoever, drink a drop of alcohol!! Naaheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!! My blood curdling scream rang out through every corridor in that hospital.. well, not really, but in my head, the reaction was quite violent. My family didn't think it was a big deal. At which point, it was clear as day to me that my family didn't know me at all... siiigh.. double whammy!
Anyway, it has been seven months now. Two more to go. The timing never ceases to amaze me though... The bastards managed to include Diwali, Christmas, New Years, my birthday as well as a few other momentous occassions in this sabbatical.
On most nights that we go out to get a drink (in my case it's a glass of toxic, teeth corroding cola) I find the jokes funny till the third round of drinks are ordered... after which point, I get left behind and turn into the grumpy party-pooper.. "Let's go home"... "I'm tired"... Yaaawn... "Act your age!!"
... Suffice to say, I now understand the true meaning of the phrase "Social Lubricant".
A lot of people close to me are afraid of what will happen once May rolls around. That's when i can hit the bottle again.. God willing... Am I gonna get smashed on one glass? Or am I gonna go haywire and guzzle everything in sight??? I can't wait to find out...
Coke, anyone?

Ramblings...

2006-03-07T03:25:00.000-08:00

* Tuesday afternoon... balmy weather outside.. not working under usual crazy pressure (might have something to do with the fact that both my bosses are out of town)..
I think a lot of problems at the workplace (and elsewhere) come from people being boxed into confined spaces where, thanks to the general mechanism of airconditioning, you not only breathe in recycled air exhaled by other people, but also their issues....hmmm...

* I went to Rajasthan for the first time in my life Sunday before last. The landscape is so stark and barren but the colours the locals wear are incredible... overcompensation, you think? Even the elderly.. walked past this ooold man, in a pristine white dhoti and kurta and a blood red turban wrapped around his head. There are absolutely no muted shades anywhere!! And royalty just hangs in the air... It was a page out of The Far Pavillions. Can't wait to go back....

* I'm going back to the hills for Round 2 of Operation Restoration.... I'm starting to enjoy this. Especially the fact that I'm doing this on my own steam, with no help from the rest of my family. I never considered myself to have a green thumb, but funnily enough, I'm dying to go back and see how the flowers we planted are doing.. and what else I can do to spruce up the garden... When I was little and staying at this house with my mum, we had a gardener, who worked magic.. and it's only now I realise how much work went into a perfectly colour co-ordinated and manicured garden... a 100 points to Giriyabhai!! I miss him....

* I love looking into people's homes. Especially at night, when the lights are on inside and you can see them move about, doing householdy things. And even more so when I'm on a train or a bus and you can look in for a fraction of a second. I like to imagine what their lives might be like. As psychotic as it may sound, it comforts me...

* I get homesick ever so often.. not for a place or city.. but for a time when I was around 9 years old. Make sense? I miss the people I had in my life then...

*And I miss not having to worry about taxes..

2006-02-27T04:06:00.000-08:00

I have had SUCH an eventful month, I don't know where to begin. I'm bursting at the seams with stories and I'm scared I won't be able to even come close to describing how I've felt these past few weeks... I'm gonna try and break it down into individual events, so I don't end up rambling and boring the hell out of everyone reading this...
Here goes.....

PART 1:
I turned 25 a few weeks ago... and I was dreading it. I've never been one to make a scene about age and stuff, but a few nights before my birthday, I found myself waking up with a jolt in the middle of the night with all the weight of a quarter of a century crashing down on me. When I was 15, I felt that 25 would be the turning point. To me, that was the age at which one is officially old. And with old age comes wisdom right? Well... apparently not. I feel like I should know a lot more than I do now. I still feel lost very often... 25 was when I thought I'd be "settled" in life. And by settled, I don't mean married and a mother of two, I mean I would have finally figured out what I want from life and I'd be pursuing it full steam.
The problem is that I do know what I want to do.. but life doesn't really think you deserve to do what you want to unless you've struggled and strained and done a gazillion things that you absolutely despise.
So here I am, a sell-out, jaded, another rat in the race who, rather than running towards the finish line, is making a beeline for a full-blown quarter-life crisis....
This is where my friends step in....
On the Friday before my birthday, B, Tart, Z, the Israeli and I decided to go for the Jal concert. (And I do mean JAL, not TULL). We got there only to find that there were no tickets available, So we decided to go for a drive, since we were practically outside city limits anyway..We ended up going to this road that has been a favourite haunt for all of us, ever since the Gander introduced us to it. Now this road is a living, breathing entity. Once you drive off the main road and turn onto this one, you're on holy ground. Apart from the occassional car/bike, there is no one here. The road welcomes you with arms wide open and you can't help but feel like you're visiting an old friend.
We found a quiet spot, turned on some music, stepped out and found our spots to lie down on. At midnight, the warmth that emanates from this stretch is astounding.. you feel like you're being hugged. If you keep real quiet, you can even feel the earth breathe under you..I kid you not. I remember the first time we went there, we lay flat on our backs and the Ostrich, Gander and I spotted 10 shooting stars and a couple of satellites that actually intersected each other. On this night, as I pointed out Orion (my favourite constellation) to Tart, she made a startling discovery... the solemn, staid archer was actually a ballerina!!! If you look close enough, you'll see a trail of stars near Orions feet, that make it seem as though he's bouncing through puddles on tip toe.. I swear! Ever since then, I haven't been able to look up at him without breaking into a massive grin.
I was later told that the original plan for my birthday was to round up my friends and bring all of us to this spot, with lanterns and fairy lights, but was canned because of the logistics of the plan... I was incredibly touched. and I don't care that the plan never materialised, because it is the thought that counts after all...
As we drove home (reluctantly), I felt like we were all in a little bubble.. completely oblivious to traffic and noise, each of us happy in the moment, bonds quietly strengthened, issues absorbed by the road we had laid upon, and completely geared to take on what year 25 had in store...

PART 2:
Monday night, dead beat after a long day's work, my birthday eve, I come home to an empty house... I know that the customary "surprise" is about to happen... but for once in my life, i'm truly surprised. My terrace has been strung up with fairy lights, there are chatais strewn all over and candles illuminate every corner..and best of all, almost all my favourite people are there!!
This was all Beani's handiwork, and I can't explain how touched I am by this gesture.... As the night progresses, more people show up, I'm blitzed out of my head with herb and happiness and completely overwhelmed by how many people care enough to stay up with me on a weekday to avert the quarter life crisis that up until that afternoon was threatening to be an unwelcome guest at my party...

PART 3:
The weekend is upon us. B, Z and I decide to take off for the hills... I have been craving the smell of pine trees for months now. I grew up in this little house, way up on a hill.. You can see the entire town from there...

I love this place. It's the one place I identify with. After my mum passed away, we hired a family of caretakers to look after the house.But as time wore on, the absence of people within the walls began to take it's toll... Each time I went back there, I was more and more heartbroken by what had become of it. For the longest time, I felt helpless and frustrated and came close to selling the place, only because I couldn't bear to see what was happening to it in my (lack of) care...
But after my last visit there, I had made up my mind that enough was enough, and if anything had to be done, I was the one who had to do it.
So we landed up there, the 3 of us, armed with spades, brooms, disinfectant, bleaching powder, dog shampoo and a few bunches of petunias, to revamp and restore..
The weather was beautiful. The sun was out. Everything was ready.. and by the time we were through, some semblance of life had been infused into the house and the garden...
My doggy wasn't too pleased with the bath, but when were done with him, this is what he looked like...

We also found this flower in my garden, growing randomly amongst the weeds...I've never seen it before.. would appreciate it if someone told me what it's called...

As all good Lawrencians do, we visited school... And as all good Lawrencians do, we visited the cemetary at school... Those of you unfamiliar with Lovedale will wonder what a cemetary is doing in the middle of a school campus, but Lawrence has a looong history, which I will not get into at the moment.. To cut a long story short, the school was originally intended as an asylum for children who's parents were lost in the War. And many of them were buried on the campus. It might seem morbid and strange, but it's a beautiful place... This picture is of the Angel that stands guard over the graves there...

I have much to say, but I have to pack up and go home now... They are gonna close the office and if I don't leave now, I'll have to trudge down 13 flights of stairs... Bah!
so until tomorrow...

Picture Perfect

2006-01-19T23:07:00.000-08:00

I have just about mastered the wonderful art of posting pictures.. a little late, I know, but better late than never, huh? I'm a little slow on the uptake as far as these things go, to the point where I've just been asked if I know anything at all about the way the internet works... the answer to that is a resounding "No!!"... I'm the most technologically-challenged person I know, so while this accomplishment might be no great shakes to most of you, to me it is worthy of an award...

Anyhoo..here are a few pics from our trip... have also added a few to the previous post, to better illustrate some of the moments there.. :)

Bits and Pieces from here and there...

B excels where I fail miserably.. showoff!! heh

Terrorist doggy encounters victim...

Yaaawn..!! The view from my deckchair..

Temptation Island...:)

The trees at the wedding reception were wrapped in lights like these. I love this picture.. it warms the cockles of my heart:)...

Happy... :) :)

2006-01-03T05:56:00.000-08:00

I'm charred black, I have a burn on my lip that kills me everytime I accidentally bite it, and every cell in my body is saturated with salt water... i can safely say that my faith in Goa's healing powers has been restored.
Over the past couple of years, I had seriously felt that the entire vibe of the place was a little off and that it would be a long time before I ventured in that direction again...well, all that has changed now.
This time round we stayed in the quieter south, where we didn't run into wannabe ravers from the dreaded Bombay-Bangalore-Delhi trinity, who have a hard time seeing the light even in the absence of drugs.

Funnily enough, even with the entire crew in tow, there wasn't a single moment when I felt that my space was being encroached upon.
I can write volumes on the entire trip, but the highlight of it all was the 24 hours around new years eve. I believe it was then that I finally found the gruntles that I seem to have lost over the course of the past year.
9 Bar happens to be one of my all-time favourite haunts. I love the way people gather around to watch the sun inch its way towards the horizon, while in the background the percussion slooooowly gains momentum.. a few beats per minute gained to every inch lost....till before you know it, its a crazy frenetic pace that you just didn't see coming.

We were the first lot of people there..and it was super. As the evening progressed, I was pleasantly surprised to see the Ostrich and Tartrazina grooving to an almost evil baseline- surprised cos the Tart is a die hard Retro child, while the Ostrich, eclectic as her musical interests might be, never struck me as one who would enjoy 7 non-stop hours of trance.
There were about 12 of us from Bangalore and assorted friends from other places that we bumped into .. I had around 27 magic moments just sitting there, revelling in the warmth of some of my favourite people in the world.

As the last drop of sunlight from 2005 seeped away, everyone at 9 Bar collectively applauded the year that had just made its exit and I was overwhelmed by how much affection I felt for the people around me - friends and strangers alike.
We were meant to go to another party post midnight, but as all plans go, this one took a turn as well and we decided to head back to the south and give the madness a miss. Best decision we ever made.
The wee hours of 2006 saw us sitting around our very own bonfire on the beach. One by one, people dropped away, till there was just the Tart, her not-so-little-anymore brother, Ostrich, B and me left on the beach... we stoked the fire, listened to the Ostrich sing, waved and shouted "Happy new year!!!" to a drunken couple, watched a cook from one of the shacks swim an hour out into the sea and back, gave him a standing ovation, laughed at a bunch of nutter dogs digging trenches around us in a bid to get to the crabs, only to frighten the bejeezus out of them and let them go..

....and watched the sea change colours magically. Its funny how nature never gets its colour combinations wrong..

And just when we thought it couldn't get better, we saw massive dorsal fins emerge gently, in slow motion almost,from the water. None of us are still quite sure if they were dolphins or something larger... but either way, the image is burned in our minds.
There's something about watching the elements in their purest form - be it in the form of the ocean at half light, or a bonfire or the wide expanse of the sky- that calms any human soul.
The past year was an emotional roller coaster for me. From getting my cherished masters degree, to losing my father without having had the chance to say goodbye, to reconnecting with old friends, letting go of others I love deeply, falling seriously ill, getting a job in an industry I knew nothing about while putting on hold a dream I feel a deep rooted passion for, to forging new bonds that I know will last lifetimes- by December I was a bundle of tightly wrought nerves...
Standing on a beach at dawn is possibly one of the most powerful and moving experiences ever. It makes you feel insignificant and small, but glad beyond belief to to be able to bear witness to what lies in front of you . The ability to feel a sense of awe towards the universe is like having your finger on the pulse of life itself... I think in that moment just before the sun came up, with my toes buried in the sand, I finally felt a quiet, crystal clear acceptance of everything that I had so far fought hard against.
Its going to be a good year, me thinks.
Happy New Year everybody... :)

2005-12-17T11:17:00.000-08:00

Its strange how in a time of crisis, one tends to zero in and fixate on seemingly irrelevant and prosaic things. Like running through a forest, being chased by something you don't even have the courage to look back at, and worrying about stepping on a thorn.

Blog Clog & Corporate Conundrums... Has Anyone Seen My Gruntles??

2005-12-07T23:49:00.000-08:00

Its December, my favourite time of year. And for the first time in my life, I’m indoors, from 9:30 in the morning till past sunset…

Our office is on the 13th floor, on the corner of possibly the busiest street in Bangalore. At times when I’m standing on the balcony during my cigarette break, I feel a pang, watching people stroll along, enjoying the weather, knowing that I have to make my way back into the air-conditioned (yeah, I really have a problem with that one), artificially controlled climate of the office. Feel like Rapunzel, trapped in her tower, sulkily smoking an ultramild…although my hair would come out in clumps if some jackass tried to use it as a rope.. and I can’t even imagine what a mother of a headache she must have had by the time he actually got to the top… classic case of “not tonight honey, you really messed up, tugging at my hair like that”.

but that not the point….

I miss being able to go out and enjoy a bright winter day. The sky is a spectacular shade of blue today. The kind which, in Yoshimoto’s words, “you can just melt into".As far as I’m concerned, its criminal to be sitting at a desk, staring maniacally into a computer, tanking up on tepid, weak coffee and getting disgruntled.
I’d give my right arm for a road trip right now….

Hmph!

Funny how when you say you’ve joined the rat race, you’ve actually distanced yourself from all the stuff that really matters… don’t get me wrong… I’m not dissing anyone or anything. I’m all for making money and all that… but there’s just so much more out there, waiting to be done. And I don’t mean cutting work and staying home watching television..

Rat, the major influence in my blog-life has told me that I must also try compiling a list like the one she just posted. It seems like a fun thing to do. And considering the fact that after the last post I’ve gone back to severe blog-clog in my head, it might just help in loosening up a few knots inside…
So, at the cost of seeming rather unoriginal…

Hmmm…let’s see now…

(Other bloggers know the score I presume.. for those not familiar, bold means been there, done that, italics mean I’d like to , the rest I don’t really care about doing).

Stayed up all night and watched the sunrise – many many times..
Honestly believed that I’ve been deeply in love with each and every single person I’ve ever been with.
Hugged a tree.
Done a striptease- with the amount of grace I have, it wouldn’t be such a good idea, me thinks.
Bungee jumped
Played cops and robbers. – and sat on cactus by mistake when I was close to getting caught. My mum had to pull the spines out of my ass with a tweezer. Couldn’t sit for a few days.
Watched a lightning storm at sea.
Gone to a huge sports game
Slept under the stars – on the beach, on the terrace, on the grass – I will admit that various intoxicants were involved in most cases..
Changed a baby's diaper
Been to a psychic- twice.. and they were both spot on to the point of being uncanny. Never want to see them again.
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Gotten drunk on champagne – with my family!
Believed in ghosts – we have one in our house called Manjeet (yeah, like the one in the movie) and my grandma insisted there was one in her house called Pahalvaan Baba, who attacks people with his lathi while they sleep.
Given more than you can afford to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope – definitely on my wishlist- my birthday’s in feb people…going to the planetarium doesn’t count no?
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment - while we were being thrown out unceremoniously from our house.
Taken a sick day when you're not ill
Asked out a stranger – being the psycho-magnet that I am, I don’t think I wanna take that chance.
Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier.
Screamed as loudly as you possibly can.
Taken a midnight skinny dip. – gone skinny dipping in broad daylight with 3 girlfriends, though.
Taken an ice cold bath – at 1a.m in the bloody morning, by candle light, up in the hills while there was a storm outside – not a pleasant experience, trust me!
Ridden a roller coaster. – also got stuck at the top of the giant wheel for the longest time because of some mechanical issues… and bawled my eyes out in panic. I was 6.
Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking.
Adopted an accent for an entire day .
Visited the birthplace of your ancestors – i’m dying to go to Rajasthan…
Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment. – I love my life even though I bitch about stuff. I have a hundred magic moments a day!
Loved your job for all accounts. – i loved my last job to pieces… still trying to get my mind around this one..
Taken care of someone who was shit faced. – while I was equally shit-faced… no mean feat, I assure you.
Had enough money to be truly satisfied – changes from time to time…
Had amazing friends – all along…
Stolen a sign. – from my school garden- it said “pansy” on it.
Taken a road-trip – quite a few actually…could go on one right now!
Milked a cow – but I do own one… a bull actually. His name is Elvis.
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day – and the next day, and the next…
Played in the rain.
Got high and jumped in puddles when random strangers walked by.
Done something you should regret, but don't regret it – the list is as long as my arm…
Fallen in love and not had your heart broken – Is that even possible??
Gotten married- hmmm… scary thought.
Been in a movie – been in a print ad and done a voice over for Intel once though. Was the voice of a ten year old boy!
Crashed a party – uh, that would be partIES…
Loved someone you shouldn't have
Kissed someone so passionately it made them dizzy – that’s cos he was hammered. He proceeded to throw up after that. It was the alcohol, I tell you!!
Made cookies from scratch – heh… rright
Gotten a tattoo
Gotten my belly pierced
Gotten flowers for no reason – actually got them before my Hindi exam, for luck..
Got so drunk you don't remember anything – on countless occassions – my mantra is that "if you can’t remember what happened, it must’ve been good.”
Been addicted to some form of illegal drug – I wouldn’t say addicted…. More like repeated experimentation.
Performed on stage – and hated it. Was Mother Mary in a Tamil musical Nativity play. Fell off the donkey and had the pillow stuffed under my robe slip down to my knees.Joseph didn’t catch me as I fell even. Bastard. There was another time I was in the NIFT graduation show and the padding of my bra fell off 5 seconds before I got on the ramp…never again!!
Watched fireworks from the sky and cried cos it was unbearably amazing
Eaten shark
Had a one-night stand – inspite of the fact that I pathologically get involved with people… always turns into a long-term thing.
Been on a cruise ship.
Downed 18 shooters, scaled the wall in a skirt to get into my house cos I was locked out, and then faced ppl who wanted to cut our electricity, all in a span of 6 hours.
Spoken more than one language fluently.
Followed your favorite band/singer on tour – do DJs count? Heh….
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over to be with the one you love – have picked up and started over in another city for my own sake…. And once to get away from someone.
Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking.
Had plastic surgery – have been asked to consider silicon implants by many people.
Said 'I love you' and meant it.
Said 'I love you' and not meant it.
Broken someone's heart – a few times, apparantly. Never intentionally.
Been fired or laid off from a job.
Broken a bone – never. Which I find quite strange, considering how much I fall down.
Ridden a motorcycle – and knocked over the peanut seller. My mum had to buy his entire cart. Was banned from going near 2 wheelers after that.
Driven any land vehicle at a speed of greater than 100mph.
Done it in the woods and on the beach – not a good idea, no matter how romanticized it might be. The bugs and sand are just not worth it.
Had 2 (or more) healthy romantic relationships for over a year in your lifetime – define “healthy”
Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about.
Gotten someone fired for their actions.
Dined in a restaurant and stolen silverware, plates, cups because your apartment needed them.
Been a DJ – been with a DJ, if that’s relevant..heh..
Smoked a cigarette. – and then some.
Crashed a friend's car – drove my mum’s car into the gate when I was 12.
Been in love– over and over again, pathologically.
Been dumped – but I was relieved… was hoping he’d do it before I did.
Snuck out of your parent's house – where they live, I’d have to trek to the next state to do something fun.
Been arrested– been in some rather sticky situations though…
Gone on a blind date – even I’m not THAT optimistic
Flown a kite .
Built a sand castle.
Made mud pies by the dozen
Collected slugs in a jar and put them in the fridge cos I didn’t know what to do with them - cruel, i know. but i was young and misled...
Cheated while playing a game – I try… but I’m terrible at it. My face is a dead giveaway. I suck at ‘bluff’.
Been lonely.
Fallen asleep at work/school – being slightly chinky helps… no one can tell the difference.
Made a term paper presentation while I was out-of-my-mind high
Been robbed – 4 times!!!
Been misunderstood – ha… countless times.
Run a red light.
Gotten stoned and played dumb charades at the railway station at 4:30 in the morning, waiting for the Rat to arrive.
Liked the way you look.
Questioned your heart. – do it all the time.
Been obsessed with post-it notes – I’m obsessed with stationery on the whole. Next to book stores, stationery stores are my all time favourite.
Felt like dying – never… I love life way too much for that.
Cried yourself to sleep– and woken up with a massive headache.
Made prank phone calls.
Written a letter to Santa Claus – and the tooth fairy, and (cringe cringe) New Kids On The Block.
Sung in the shower – for some reasons, the only songs that come to my head in the shower are hymns and carols… go figure
Had a dream that you married someone – and it was someone I wouldn’t want to marry in a million years. Uggh!!
Sat on a roof top
Talked on the phone for more than 4 hours.
Jumped into a pool/hot tub/lake with all your clothes on – in a packed nightclub, and had the security come after me.
Laughed so hard you cried.
Had a fantasy about someone you love as a good friend.
Studied Bharatnatyam – for 4 years… dunno how!!!!
Been able to live without your mobile phone for a day in your normal life – even though people think I have to be surgically separated from it..

Homesick!

2005-11-29T18:15:00.000-08:00

“This house is full of ghosts”, she said, as she walked into my childhood home. And she was right. It was teeming with the ghosts of people I had loved and refused to let go of. And having refused to release them, I had refused to see them. They were there all around me – in the books, the clothes, the insulation tape in the desk drawer that had been lying there for five years. They were all covered in the dust of ancient memories that screamed to be put to rest. And I had been blind to them.

It took a stranger to sense them.. to make me see.

The grieving process is far from over. It has barely begun. We had left so many things untouched, just the way you had left them. They still hold your essence and I don’t want to change that.

But maybe it would have upset you to see them left that way. To see us clutching at straws like this. Maybe it’s finally time for us to let you move on.

Sometimes it’s difficult to draw a line between letting go and losing. We tend to confuse the two. What we don’t realize is that it’s only when you let go of one thing that something else can come along. We never know what that something else is. I guess that’s what makes it so difficult. The unpredictability of it all. Familiarity feels safe, even if it is hurtful.

There are no guarantees though. Being open to change doesn’t only mean being prepared for the worst. It also means being prepared for the best.

Eyy!

2005-11-29T13:43:00.000-08:00

I have been tagged by the Tart apparently and the way things are going, i think my blog won't have any other kind of stuff on it... but its cool... its almost like filling in those autograph books we used to have as kids. Most people wrote the autograph book owners name under "best friend" in a weak and pathetic attempt to get them to share their tuck.
Anyway... without much further ado...

Seven Things I Plan To Do:
with immediate effect:-

answer all the following questions
sneak out of the office and go stand on the balcony to get some sun (damn the airconditioning!)
call home
finish the book i'm reading so i can get started on a really cool one that i just bought
finish the book i was reading when i bought the one i'm reading now (huh??!?)
buy a dress for R's wedding
drink atleast 3 litres of water a day

not so immediately:-

move into a place of my own
go back to working in a Hospice
do a PhD. in Integral Sciences
have a baby (or two)
go backpacking across europe
visit Mansarovar
learn Tamil / Kannada

Seven Things That I Can Do:

cook Nepali chicken
get wax off clothes
wake up happy every single day(much to the irritation of my roomies who wake up with storm clouds over their heads)
see the big picture / the bright side to any situation no matter how awful it may seem
laugh at myself
be friends with ex boyfriends
bum around all day and not feel guilty

Seven Things I Can't Do:

swim
throw away old letters/ notes or anything that might have some sentimental value... including ticket stubs/ ugly curios
say no
burp the alphabet
crack my knuckles / watch other people crack their knuckles
stay indoors for more than 24 hours
go a week without falling/ bumping my head / stubbing my toe / walking into a wall..

Seven Things I Say Most Often:

what are you saaaying??!
ow!
hmph!
buggeroonie patel
spas
anyway...
f#*k that

Tagged!

2005-11-29T10:26:00.000-08:00

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
linguini
smutling (don't ask!)
bugs ( " )

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
eyes
freckles (i have 108),
my knees (i've been told they're kinda pudgy)

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
my fingers
my flat feet (i'd like to believe my constant keeling over and falling on my face is because of them, rather than an inherent imbalance)
i'm cool with the rest of me.... :)

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
Nepali, Rajput, U.P

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
windows or doors that are slightly ajar at night
spiders
violent alcoholics

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
a book
phone
kohl pencil

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
an old ring thats been in the family for ages
a thread blessed by the Dalai Lama
a silver trident pendant

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS (currently speaking):
Coldplay
Anni Difranco
Live

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS (currently speaking):
Dragonfly (by Hook) (go ostrich!)
a song from the movie 'Closer'... dunno what its called
Sunday Morning

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP
passion
warmth
space (the list is endless... i want it all)

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (in no particular order):
I wore Braces for the longest time
I'm a fantastic cook
I have a birth mark on my stomach

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
i think"HOBBIES" is a really funny word... like hobbit...
aah!! reading... walking around aimlessly in the hills (don't get to do much of that these days)...and a couple of other things that may not really be deemed legal...

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
smoke a cigarette
go on a backpacking trip
get a pedicure

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
Palliative care
Chai mami in goa
Own a bookstore

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
Ladakh
New Zealand
Scotland

THREE KID'S NAMES YOU DON'T LIKE:
Rat you're right. Zainamboo is indeed a terrible name... its driven all other terrible names out of my head...heh

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
Skydive
learn how to swim (i know, its pathetic)
learn how to cook (now you know which of the 3 is a lie)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
i can climb a tree/ change a flat tyre
i don't mind getting my hands dirty (no dirty connotations please)
i check out women all the time
(and those who know me best might have a thing or two to say about my body-type..heh)

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A CHICK:
i p.m.s like crazy
i collapse into a giggling fit every now and then
i have a gazillion rituals before bedtime

THREE CELEB CRUSHES:
Johnny Depp
Jude law... aah... can't think of anyone else...

Post 1

2005-11-28T12:20:00.000-08:00

Last Friday was one of those days you pack in way more than you think you have the energy for.. Tartrazina and i trudged back and forth, rode the elevator up and down a few times, in an attempt to get our PAN cards and officially become upstanding members of society..(we'll talk about my views on that another day). we managed to grab a non shanti sagar lunch for a change, which cheered me up plenty and went back to hovering around government offices.
just when i started to feel a lil frustrated (again!) with the way the entire system works i got a phone call from a Hospice i used to work at. They were having a "Fun and Food Fest" and asked me to bring friends.. Tartrazina's mum had just been to a fete in a sari which she had worn after years.This was a source of much inspiration to Tartrazina who decided to accompany me... turned out to be absolutely great...
and on a whim, we decided to catch a late night movie on our way back home - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - perfect dose of magic to seal the day...
but i digress....
I spent a lot of time reading blogs posted by my near and dear Ostrich, Rat, Tartrazina and Gander, and in an inspired flash, decided to create a blog for myself..
....and therein lies the problem... with almost no weekend to speak of, my inspiration levels have plumetted, drooped, wilted, shriveled, and done all those things... and left me sitting here on this wonderful monday morning, with a serious case of bloggers block. Rat has asked me to write "some nosnese"... not sure what she means, but i suppose this qualifies... will have to cross check with her..
(yawn...)
i've just been told that i have to go back to the income tax office in about 5 minutes...
saved by the PAN...

don't say it rat...