"The best thing, though, about the museum, was that everything always stayed right where it was. Nobody'd move. You could go there a hundred thousand times, and that Eskimo would still just be finished catching those two fish, the birds would still be on their way south, the deer would still be drinking out of that water hole...
... The only thing that would be different would be you. Not that you'd be much older or anything. It wouldn't be that exactly. You'd just be different, that's all. You'd have an overcoat on this time. Or you'd heard your mother and father having a terrific fight. Or you'd just passed by one of those puddles in the street with gasoline rainbows in them." -JD Salinger,
Catcher In The Rye
Gasoline Rainbows :) :)
The demons we try to supress within us are manifested in our lives in other ways. Then we wonder where they've come from.
The books we read, the music we listen to, the people we seek out to spend time with are all definitions of our own selves. We try to compensate for our yearnings with external things.
It's true apparently, that the things we despise most in others are the very things that we negate in ourselves. When we try to disown something about us, we are uncomfortable, and cringe when they are presented to us externally.
Another excuse to talk about myself..
Tagged by the
Sac....
Easiest way to unclog the blog....
8 Things about myself. Hmmmmmm...
Here goes:
1. When I was about 5, my mum got me a beautiful German Shepard Pup. The people we got her from owned atleast 5 pedigree dogs and loved them all dearly. This puppy came with a manual of do's and don'ts to ensure that she was looked after in the best possible manner. All that was easy, since my mum loved dogs. All was well, till we were told that she had already been given a name, and that we couldn't change it no matter what. Apparently she had already gotten used to it... So there I was with this beautiful dog, called Shakuntala. It took me a long while to live it down in school.
2. As you all know, I have recently become an aunt. I am madly in love with this silly little baby, who is starting to look like Homer Simpson, and poops so much that my brother is in a state of shock. I have very very strong maternal instincts. I can't wait to have my own babies. But everytime I hold a baby, I am gripped by a very strong and horrible HORRIBLE fear that being such a clutz, I'll drop it. And I'm guessing being a mother, one is expected to do a lot of baby-carrying....
(momentary digression for baby update... its been a little over a month..)
I want to bite her!! I do!!!
ok, ok..
3. I have a deep rooted aversion to allopathy and anything related to it. Pharmaceutical companies pretty much top my hate list. Working in a Cancer hospital and watching my own family battle this disease opened my eyes to much more than I could handle when I was faced with it. I believe very strongly in the mind-body connection. I believe that all of us have an innate capacity to facilitate and direct our own healing processes, be it physical or otherwise, but are conditioned to look outside of ourselves. I don't negate that medical science has its upside, but I feel that people need to start listening to themselves and what their bodies are telling them more closely, rather than blindly taking someone else's word as the gospel truth.
4. Everytime I go up to a really high place, like the top of a building, or to a lighthouse or something, I have to stay away from the edge, not because I'm afraid of heights, but because I'm overtaken by this urge to jump. Not to my death, don't be silly! I love life... it's just an urge.
5. I find ironing clothes extremely therapeutic (doesn't mean I'll be ironing any of your stuff Tart!!). I love smoothening out creases. I am also anal retentive about carpet corners and shoes being turned over. Even if I'm at a party, I can't sit still unless I go and fix it.
6. I attended a severely Jesuit school for 10 years. They made me take scripture classes, attend mass and go to the chapel every morning to ask God to make me a better person and apologize for all the bad things I had done (which at that point involved using "bad language" like "stupid" and "ass" and so on...). By the time I was 12, I knew every story in the Bible and was ready to convert to Christianity, because I was convinced I wouldn't go to heaven if I didn't. My grandma, who lived with me was almost a fundamentalist when it came to Hinduism. I was so confused I finally went to Mum and asked her what on earth I was supposed to believe. And she told me, "Never let someone else tell you what to believe in. Not even me." When I asked her about god and what he was, she said "Well, let's just say, he's more than some old man looking down on you. A person who believes in a higher power, has to explain the existence of sadness and pain, but one who doesn't, has to explain the existence of EVERYTHING else. Do the math."
Its taken me many years to understand what she meant, but I think I have an inkling now... best piece of advice I have ever been given. Thanks Mum.
7. Second best piece of advice I have received, also from same source, has been, "If you want to know how a man is going to treat you, you just have to see how he treats his mother." Straight out of some disgruntled women's guide to relationships, you say??? It's worked every single bloody time!!!!
8. I was recently told by a random palmist I met on the road "Meydum, if you were born 5 seconds before or after your original time of birth, you would be a gent." (!!!!!) Scary part is he was spot on about 8 out of 10 things before he said that.
Oh well!!
Ok, I must tag 6 People apparently -
Naaz,
Brother S,
Mint,
Depps,
Sista T,
Dancing Coyote... There you go!!!
Later skaters!
Enter the Auntie
Everybody, please put your hands together for the first baby in the world to make me cry.....
(Actually, this first picture had me rolling on the floor laughing. It cracks me up everytime I look at it, but you know what I mean...)
Words fail me....
Lots to tell.. Many many stories... But all that in a while. I'm still getting over the fact that my nutter brother is responsible for this.
Mists of Everness..
I can't remember the last time I slept well. It's been weeks, months even.
I’ve had extremely vivid, recurring dreams since I was little. A couple of these dreams followed me into adolescence. In a weird, inexplicably twisted way, one or two have even come to pass. And I never had them again. They just left a few skidmarks behind.
It’s hard for me to articulate this feeling when I’m wide awake, but in delirious flashes, it all makes perfect sense. The lucidity oscillates between being incredibly beautiful, to downright frightening.
Off late, there have been some pretty scary moments when I haven’t been able to recall whether a memory I had was from a dream or something that actually happened. There are all sorts of lines blurring in my head, and all kinds of scenes melting into each other, into one swirling mass. Try as I might, I can’t get out.
I want to sleep through one night, undisturbed, uninterrupted, with no lingering traces of memories that don’t really belong to me, when I wake up.
!!!!
Woke up in a truly foul mood this morning. A very common occurrence off late. And quite upsetting. I’ve always been proud of the fact that one of the few things I CAN do on a daily basis is wake up happy. Well, it’s been a harsh fact for me to face… I’m a grouch.
Tart has a policy to never read the paper first thing in the morning. I’ve seen its effect on Z, especially on days that she doesn’t watch the news on TV while eating breakfast, but I always assumed my equilibrium was immune to the effects of war and genocide and rampant stupidity. That wasn’t the case today.
Came across an article on a new vaccine, Gardasil, being developed for the prevention of Cervical Cancer, entitled “
Is it a vaccine or a virginity test?” (!!!).
For those unfamiliar with Cervical Cancer, it has been found to be linked with the Human Papillomavirus (HPV), which has 18 different types of strains, and in order to ascertain the presence of this virus, one has to undergo a
pap smear.If detected early, Cervical cancer can be arrested and a full recovery is made possible. Every year 150,000 new cases of Cervical cancer emerge. It can be an excruciating and often, slow death. This new vaccine is supposedly administered to women between the ages of 9 and 26.
Another point to be noted is that Gardasil does not work for a pre-existing infection, which is usually transmitted sexually.
I’m not going into the nitty gritties of this article, cos I’ve just about managed to curb my disgust and irritation, but here are some choice excerpts from the article, just to give you an idea. I leave you to make your own judgements.
“How ethical is it to conduct such a test on an unmarried woman or a nine year old? Isn’t it akin to a virginity test?” – ‘
Dr.’ Pillai, Rajiv Gandhi Centre for Biotechnology
“The situation might stigmatize women and, well, mark the beginning of the end of vaccines.”
Gardasil doesn’t manage to protect against ALL the 18 strains, just a few. So according to a doctor at KIDWAI Institute of Oncology (I’ll tell you my thoughts on that place later…) “Why should we waste money and efforts when we know it won’t work an all the strains?”
Have any better ideas doc?
And my favourite:
“It’s better we have an indigenous vaccine. We’re confident of developing this shortly. If we hurry through the US-vaccine without answering the questions on science and ethics we are likely to complicate the issue further.”
Yup.. I’m sure all the women who are writhing in pain in cancer hospitals across India, paying for their drugs through their teeth, mortgaging their homes and watching their families suffer with them can’t wait.
Maybe I read this all wrong, or maybe I’m still blinded by residual rage from my days at KIDWAI, or maybe I’m just being unreasonable… but does ANYONE else here feel like certain ‘values’ and priorities are getting just a tad mixed up?
Get to know me better! Heh
Hahahahahaha... Just came across this mad site. This is like therapy...
Apparantly, my Sesame Street Personality is........The Cookie Monster!!
| You Are Cookie Monster |
 Misunderstood as a primal monster, you're a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.
You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you'll eat anything if cookies aren't around.
You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking
How you live your life: In the moment. "Me want COOKIE!" |
The Sesame Street Personality Quiz
Drug Personality - Acid..
| Your Personality Is Like Acid |
 A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.One moment you're in your own little happy universe...And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell! |
What Drug Is Your Personality Like?
| Your Monster Profile |
 Hungry Goblin. You Feast On: Coffee. You Lurk Around In: The Empire State Building. You Especially Like to Torment: Hipsters |
Irish Name...
| Your Irish Name Is... |
 Aoife Doyle |
What Kind of Meat am I??
| You Are Duck |
 Exotic and unusual, you are a bit of a rare bird - literally.You're known for being soft and succulent, though at times you can be a bit greasy. |
What Kind of Meat Are You?
Super Hero Profile....
| Your Superhero Profile |
Your Superhero Name is The Green Viking
Your Superpower is Near-death Experience
Your Weakness is Atomic Explosions
Your Weapon is Your Silver Revolver
Your Mode of Transportation is Broom |
Muppet Baby Personality...
| You Are Animal |
A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.
You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.
But you sure can beat a good drum.
"Kill! Kill!" |
Especially love the Irish name.. I think I'll keep it.
Show Me The Way To The Next Whiskey Bar!!
So, it’s official. I’m fine, it seems…
I can’t begin to explain how strange it is for me to not pop pills anymore. I mean, it’s definitely a relief, but its weird cos my usual nightly ritual has been:
1) Brush teeth
2) Wash face
3) Make bed
4) Locate pills that have invariably been misplaced (visit 24 hour pharmacy to pick them up, much to my irritation)
5) Inwardly grumble and curse pharmaceutical companies that use tedious-to-tear foil, while unwrapping each pill painfully
6) Swallow each of the 5 pills one at a time, each one the size of Madhya Pradesh, cos I’m scared I’ll choke
7) Climb into bed
8) Get out of bed 20 minutes later just as I’m falling asleep cos I need to pee because of all the water I’ve had to drink in order to swallow the pills
Steps 4 to 8 have been effectively done away with.. Woo hoo!
It’s a big difference, trust me.
It’s gonna take a while for my body to adjust itself to the sudden deprivation of 2850 mgs of chemicals a day. I can almost sense all the neurotransmitters gearing themselves every night, for the onslaught that hasn’t happened these past few days. But you know what? Even with all the tremors and strange withdrawal symptoms, I’m just so much happier.
Thank you to everyone who:
a) Reminded me to take my meds everyday
b) Held my hand during blood tests and accompanied me for x-rays and scans
c) Held out their hands when I FINALLY managed to cough up a sputum sample but had nowhere to spit (yes, this actually happened! I counted 3 pairs of hands.)
d) Drove me to pharmacies in the middle of the night
e) Wrestled bottles of alcohol away from me when I succumbed to temptation
f) Pretended to be sober just so I wouldn’t feel alone
g) Gave me (drunken) lectures on how alcohol is really truly not as fun as it may seem
h) Broke my cigarettes into little pieces when I tried smoking slyly in the first few months of being sick
i) Put up with my extreme mood swings and bouts of self-pity
j) Convinced me that I’m not turning into a horribly cranky person and that it’s just the pills talking
k) Cheered like their favourite team just won the world cup each time the reports that came back were good.
And Ms. Tartrazina - thank you for the best fugging martini I have ever had!!
Anyway, from now on and henceforth, there will be no more talk of health-related issues on this blog.
This chapter is now closed!
